A Minnesotan

The Problem With Geese


There is nothing I fear more on this earth than geese… well maybe snakes, but geese are the more intimate threat. Because here in Minnesota geese are everywhere.

Geese are at the park, in the parking lot, on the sidewalks, and even standing in the middle of the freeway in some cases- like they own the place.

It started out when I was a small child and the geese would chase me around the park honking. Since I was about the same size as them I guess it made sense that they were going after me.

Thankfully in response to these attacks my sister would chase the geese away from me so that I was not mauled to death by a goose at age six.

However, it did not stop as I got older. To this day geese will still chase me if given the chance. Now I can out run the geese or avoid them all together.

When I was in community college in Rochester the geese that would hang out on campus would chase me across the campus on an almost daily basis. Which my mother did not believe was happening until she saw me take off running at the sound of ‘Honk! Honk!’ and a flock of geese start charging at me.

Don’t worry I made it to the car before the geese caught up to me and lived to tell the tale.

My fear is not just limited to grease either. It does extend to water brands as a whole. I have also been attacked by ducks and gulls. The only reason the loons, swans and cranes have not gotten to me is because I am not fool enough to go anywhere close to them after the incident with the duck.

A couple years later when I was in University back south I was at the park with some friends. We were sitting on a bench watching the ducks, but not doing anything to the ducks. When a duck walked up to me and bit me on the leg with its serrated beak.

While ducks do not have teeth it does hurt when they bite you with their serrated beaks.

It is because of that duck and many, many geese that I now stay clear of all water birds. As I now live under the belief that if I give them space they just might not try to kill me… or at least not have the opportunity to.

P.S. as I write this two ducks have landed on my patio and taunted me with their serrated beaks.